Fairy Farts
by FruhlingDragon
Summary: Insane love triangle, gangsta Jellal, Erza in rampage mode, Trollshima, Nyan Cat. Let's see, what else... Oh right! We forgot to completely shatter the fourth wall! Pure crackfic.


**Yo! This is a crackfic! I wrote it because better this than my other homework. Damn math equations.. Usually I like you.**

**But anyways! I hope this is somewhat enjoyable for you!**

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Fairy Farts

Summary: Insane love triangle, gangsta Jellal, Erza in rampage mode, Trollshima, Nyan Cat. Let's see, what else... Oh right! We forgot to completely shatter the fourth wall! Pure crackfic.

"I love you, Juvia!"

"I love you, Grey!"

"I love you, Lyon!"

"Wha..." muttered Lucy, cocking her head to the side. Erza stared with her mouth open. Natsu ate with his mouth open.

Lyon had come to visit Fairy Tail for who-knows-why and immediately started flirting with Juvia. This was normal and all but Grey would have normally stepped in for Juvia as he "didn't want Lyon to bother his guildmates." But instead of doing that Grey merely stared at Lyon, his eyes wide.

Then, out of nowhere, he announced that he was deeply in love with Lyon and tried to kiss him. Lyon, of course, was extremely freaked out and tried to run away. Grey chased after him. Juvia started wailing about gay love rivals and began to chase after Grey. Lyon chased after Juvia for sake of tradition.

So now they were running in circles like insane zombies while destroying things like any proper Mage should do.

"So basically, Grey's gay," Erza deadpanned.

"Yep," said Lucy, nodding darkly.

"Should I kill him?"

"That's racist."

"How is killing him racist?"

"I dunno. But Juvia would probably kill you next, so I wouldn't do it."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that."

" 'Sup, Erza." Lucy and Erza turned to the new voice.

Jellal leaned against a pillar. He had on sunglasses and a hat turned sideways over his now short blue hair. He wore baggy clothes and had a toothpick sticking out of the side of his mouth.

"Jellal!?" choked Erza, going red in the face.

"Yo," he said, nodding coolly any her.

"What in the world happened to you!?" exclaimed Erza, waving her hands frantically.

"What are you talkin' 'bout?" asked Jellal, raising his eyebrow in mock indignation.

Erza started explaining at top speed why why he was being so out of character while he merely watched her in amusement.

"Her Rushi," greeted Natsu, his mouth full.

"Hey Natsu," Lucy said sweetly, turning to him. Then she promptly fell over, blood spilling from a gun wound in her head.

Alzack stood by the door, smoke streaming from his still raised weapon.

Food fell from Natsu's mouth as he took in the sight in front of him. "L-luce?" He choked. He dropped to the ground and started shaking her violently. "Luce. Lucy! LUCY!" She didn't move.

Natsu stood up again, a dark aura radiating from him. He glared at Alzack who stared challengingly back.

"How could you," hissed Natsu, rage clear in his voice. "How could you kill Lucy, part of your guild?"

Alzack narrowed his eyes and raised his gun. Natsu screamed bloody murder and charged Alzack.

Alzack smirked slightly and fired a few shots at Natsu. His eyes widened when the bounced off. Natsu lunged forward and brutally tore Alzacks throat out. He stepped back and looked down at him with no trace of regret anywhere.

"NO!" wailed Bisca, running to her dead husband's side. She started crying but her tears were drowned out by the pure emotion emoting from Natsu.

He was at Lucy's side, shrieking. "FATE! HOW COULD YOU! COME DOWN HERE SO I CAN KILL YOU LIKE A KILLED ALZACK!"

Fate hummed and twirled her pen between her fingers. She contemplated on whether or not she should kill him too.

"JELLAL!" All their noise was drowned out by Erza. They looked up, surprised.

The door crashed open and gangster Jellal stumbled in, panting heavily. He looked up and said,"Y'all better run. Erza is extremely pissed off."

"What'd you too bother her so much?" Master asked, looking at Jellal quizzically.

Jellal turned pale. "I'd rather not say."

A loud horn sounded in the distance and someone spoke through a microphone. "Wanted criminal Jellal. We know you're hiding in Magnolia. Please turn yourself-"

The voice was cut off by another loud scream of, "JELLAL! SHOW YOURSELF YOU LITTLE-" Erza called Jellal a lot of other things that Fate refrained from writing down because of the clean-mouth she is.

"What the hell is th-" The announcer's voice through microphone were cut off. Loud, terrified screams and Erza's roaring were heard from the group of Council officials that had come to pick up Jellal.

"Oh god," whispered Jellal, quivering. Then a giant foot came down and sadly, he died a horrible, painful death at the hands of his beloved, Erza.

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Trollshima was not happy. He put his hands on his hips and glared at Fate.

"Could you _not_ keep killing of my characters?" he growled.

"But it's fun!" wined Fate, giving him her best puppy dog stare.

"Yeah, sure, but their _my_ characters. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't cause them to die horrible, painful deaths."

"Drat," complained Fate, stamping her foot. "Just let me kill a few more, please?"

"No!"

"Please!? I'll bring them back later?"

"No!"

"But I wanted to kill Natsu!"

"How many times do I have to say no!?"

"How 'bout Minerva?"

"Hmm," Trollshima thought about that. "Okay, but you have to bring everyone back later."

"Yay!"

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Giant, rampaging Erza was extremely mad. She roared into the sky and a deadly aura that could rival Zeref's surrounded her.

"JELLAL! GET YOUR SORRY BUTT BACK HERE!"

Lucy sweatdropped. "She doesn't realize he's dead."

"Yes," agreed Natsu. "Wait, how are you alive!?"

Lucy looked down at her hands in confusion. "I'm not really sure..."

"LUCY!" cheered Natsu, throwing his arms around her. She blushed slightly. "Thank Fate that you're okay."

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"See? They like me!"

"I don't."

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Everyone tensed as a golden light surrounded giant-Erza.

"She's requiping," hissed Mirajane.

"RRRRRRAWWWWW! FEAR MY UNIVERSE ARMOR!" Erza changed into a armor that was a brilliant dark blue with bright speckles of other colors like stars. It was in a style of wetsuit with dark pieces of metal lining her legs that were covered in long spikes. She held two long swords with wickedly barbed sides.

She swung her sword down and it smashed through a large collection of houses. Screams followed soon after.

Ezra turned and slashed her sword through midair. It made a horrible r-rrrippp! sound and and huge gap appeared in space and time.

"Crap!" wailed Master. "I forbid her from using that armor! Last time she did we had an invasion of Yodas from multiple universes!"

"The hell!?" complained Lucy, shoving Natsu's head away from her. "Let go of me!" Natsu wined pitifully and clung tighter to Lucy.

"Oh, to hell with it," grumbled Lucy. "Roar of the Celestial Dragon!" She blasted with a powerful tornado of energy.

Natsu flew back and shattered a wall but quickly recovered. He gazed excitedly at Lucy. "You're a Dragon Slayer!"

"Yes, now go away," snapped Lucy and turned her back on him.

"LUSHIIIII!" wailed Natsu running after her.

"Shhhhhh," said everyone else with their fingers to their lips.

"Huh?" asked Natsu, question marks floating above his head. They pointed to the gash Erza had made in space and time. The devil was currently destroying east Magnolia. Nobody had the heart to tell her Jellal was dead for fear of being squashed.

_Nyan-Nyan Nynynynynynynynynynynynynynyny Nyan-Nyan_

"What in the world?" muttered Natsu, as quietly as possible for him.

"Probably not from this world," Mira whispered back. "Oh, no."

_Nyan-Nyan Nynynynynynynynynynynynynynyny Nyan-Nyan_

"What's going on here?" All of Fairy Tail turned to see their one-of-many and probably least enemy, Sabertooth. Minerva glared at them while the Twin Dragons of Sabertooth glared at them from behind her. Then giant-Erza's foot came down and all three of them died horrible, painful deaths just like Jellal.

Silence.

"Bye-bye," whispered Lisanna, waving slightly.

_Nyan-Nyan Nynynynynynynynynynynynynynyny Nyan-Nyan_

"Um, 'ny ideas?" asked Glidarts.

"Hey, you do something!" complained just about everybody. "You're the strongest wizards here!"

"Well, I dunno about that!" laughed Gildarts, putting his hands up in defense. "See, with that armor and that anger, Erza is literally unstoppable!"

_Nyan-Nyan Nynynynynynynynynynynynynynyny Nyan-Nyan_

"Oh, no, something's coming!" gasped Mira, her hands flying to her mouth. She pointed to the dimension scar.

_Nyan-Nyan Nynynynynynynynynynynynynynyny Nyan-Nyan_

Something poked out from the gap. Everyone spoke at once.

"It's a cat!"

"No, it's a pop-tart!"

"What's that? It sounds eatable."

"No-no-no, it's definitely a cat!"

"Pop-tart!"

"Cat!"

"Pop-tart!"

"Cat!"

"Pop-tart!"

"Cat!"

"Rainbow!"

"Rainbow?" Everyone looked at the one who had spoken, Levy.

She shrugged. "What? Rainbow." She pointed at the sky. Sure enough, rainbows were spilling from the gap.

With a loud farting sound and cat/pop-tart flew from the gap. The music grew louder. _Nyan-Nyan Nynynynynynynynynynynynynynyny Nyan-Nyan_

Immediately all the Dragon Slayers covered their ears wailing, "Oh, it's horrible! N-NO, get rid of it! Erza!"

_Nyan-Nyan Nynynynynynynynynynynynynynyny Nyan-Nyan_

The cat/pop-tart began to fly around the remains of Magnolia, farting rainbows happily and playing its theme music. The Dragon Slayers, plus Lucy who had revealed herself to be a Dragon Slayer as well, clutched their ears and wailed.

"RRRRRAAAAWWWW!" Erza screamed in the background. She slashed her Universe Sword wildly through the air and everyone gasped as several more slashes appeared through space and time.

"Oh, no," whispered Mira, who was trying to bottle the rainbow farts for currently unknown reasons. She also seemed to be keeping track of whether or not something was to be considered an "oh, no" moment.

The gashes giant-Erza had made were spreading, lashing across the sky like whips. They joined with the one the cat-pop tart thing had come out of. Then suddenly, the whole sky for miles around tore itself open.

People screamed. Creatures and things from hundreds of different worlds and dimensions landed on the ground and immediately began to destroy everything.

Then everyone died. The end. Sort of.

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In a far away universe a group of 4 people plus a cat materialized in a desert.

"Where are we?" grumbled the blonde-haired one, rubbing her eyes blearily.

"G' mornin'!" yawned the pink-haired one, getting up and stretching.

Then the planet exploded and they all died again. But right before that in another far away dimension Erza managed to get her 'long' standing grudge on Jellal for accidentally eating her cake.

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"Wait, wait, wait, wait! So, I brought them back to life as I promised but then you just decided to randomly kill them again? I thought they were your 'pwecious chararcters'! And what's this while deal with Erza and Jellal?"

"You've been...trolled! You've been trolled and you have probably been told, don't reply to the sky, he is just kidding around..."

"I should have known. He's called Trollshima for a reason."

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**What'd ya think? Review?**


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